Fill The Oceans With Concrete: Unknown Monster Ate A 9-Foot Great White Shark

great-white-shark-mystery.jpg In news that I really didn't need to remind me to never venture out in the ocean past my ankles, scientists are stumped as to what the hell ate a 9-foot great white shark. What do you think it was? A bigger, cannibal great white shark? Your guess is good as mine, unless you guessed Ursula, in which case your guess is better because I guessed Long John Silver or Capain D (I took two guesses).
Scientists in Australia tagged a healthy 9-foot great white shark as part of program to track these animals. Four months later they found the tracking device washed up on a beach. Something--something really big--had eaten this apex predator. The recovered device showed a rapid temperature rise and a sudden 1,900-foot change in depth. That's all the information the scientists have.
Whoa whoa whoa -- a rapid temperature rise and a 1,900-foot change in depth? That can only mean one thing. "The Kraken." YEP, it was the f***ing Kraken. Jk jk, I think it was my roommate's mom. She did look 600-pounds heavier the last time she visited. Plus I had to the take the rap for the bong my roommate left on the coffee table. Keep going for a video.